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17 Things to Know About Dating as an Asexual Person
If you’re on the asexuality spectrum, dating might seem challenging for you. But it doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to find love. Here are 17 things to know about dating as an asexual person.
Short on Time? (Summary)
The dating scene might seem dreadful for some asexual singles. But it is possible to find someone who understands your sexuality and suits your standards.
As an asexual, you need to understand your identity and romantic orientation before you proceed to find a partner. In this guide, we’ll explore 17 things to know about dating as an asexual single.
HIGHLIGHTS
- It is possible to find genuine romance as an asexual.
- Be upfront about your asexuality and stay true to yourself.
- Join asexual dating sites to find compatible matches.
1. You Can Find Romance If You Want
There’s a common misconception that asexuals do not seek romantic relationships. By definition, asexuality means having little to no sexual attraction. So, it is possible to date and form romantic relationships if you want it. You’re not “too different” to find love. The right person will understand and love you just the way you are.
2. Know Your Romantic Orientation
Sexuality and romantic orientations are two different things. The romantic orientation of an individual describes the sex or gender they’re attracted to.
So, you might be asexual and heteroromantic.
Understanding the Different Romantic Orientations
Let’s take a look at some common romantic orientations:
- Aromantic: little to no romantic attraction.
- Monoromantic: romantic attraction to a person of one gender.
- Biromantic: romantic attraction to a person of two or more genders.
- Androromantic: romantic attraction to men.
- Gyneromantic: romantic attraction to women.
- Heteroromantic: romantic attraction to a person of a different gender from you.
- Homoromantic: romantic attraction to a person with the same gender as you.
- Panromantic: attracted to all genders regardless of their gender identity.
- Grey-romantic: rarely or occasionally feels romantic attraction.
- Lithromantic: also known as akoiromantic, they feel attraction but don’t want it reciprocated.
- Quoiromantic: can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic attractions.
How to Discover Your Romantic Orientation
Discovering your romantic orientation as an asexual is very important so you can better understand your feelings and preferences.
- Self-Reflection: Your past and present experiences can help you understand your romantic orientation. Ask yourself questions like; Have I ever felt a strong attraction for someone in the past? What does my dating history tell about my preferences? Have I ever felt romantic attraction for someone but not sexual and vice versa? Answers to these questions can help you identify your romantic orientation.
- Pay Attention to Your Emotions: Notice the type of people who you’ve been attracted to in the past and what type and depth of attraction you felt for them.
- Seek Professional Help: A therapist can guide in your discovery and help you navigate and label your feelings. Find an LGBTQ+ therapist around you or online.
3. Be Upfront
If you meet someone, let them know about your asexuality sooner than later. It’s important that they know about your asexuality right from the first encounter.
Some people are not interested in dating asexuals, so withholding that information until after several dates is not a good idea. If you’re not what they’re looking for, take the rejection gracefully.
4. Stay True to Yourself
Once you’ve come out as asexual, stay true to yourself. Do not pretend to be who you’re not to get someone interested in you.
Don’t let someone cajole you into sexual relations just because you want them to stay. Sooner or later, you’ll find someone who will love you just as you are.
5. Trust Your Guts
If something or someone doesn’t feel right to you, listen to your gut feeling. It’s a sign that they’re not meant for you. Going forward with that relationship will only hurt you in the end.
6. Use Asexual Dating Sites
One of the best ways to meet asexual singles or other singles open to dating asexuals is to use asexual dating sites. These platforms cater specifically to this demographic.
You don’t have to worry about explaining your sexuality to every profile you meet. Check out our recommendations to get started.
7. Try General Dating Sites
You can also try mainstream dating sites to find a larger dating pool. Some sites like eHarmony and OKCupid are LGBTQ inclusive.
One of the downsides of using general dating sites is that you’re going to come across a lot of annoying profiles. We recommend including in your bio that you’re asexual to filter the type of people who match with you.
8. Be Ready to Block Profiles
As we mentioned earlier, you’ll meet a lot of creeps on dating sites, so be ready to use the block button as often as you need to. If anyone is trying to imply that you’re confused or traumatized, do not hesitate to block them immediately!
9. Join Forums
Navigating your asexuality, especially when you’ve just come out, can be confusing. A support group with similar people will help you in your journey.
We recommend joining online forums on Facebook or Reddit, mainly for asexuals. Some dating sites also provide online forums and chat rooms. You should also join real-life support groups and events like MeetUp.
10. Decide If You Want to Date a Fellow Asexual
Figure out if you want to date someone within the asexuality spectrum or allosexuals. Keep in mind that it’s completely okay if you want to date someone outside of the spectrum. If you’re not completely closed off to the idea of sexual relations, you can try seeking genuine relationships with allosexuals.
11. Not Many Understand Asexuality
A lot of people don’t understand what asexuality means. One challenge you’ll face is constantly having to explain your sexuality, especially on dating sites. This is why it’s important to be upfront and explain what you want in a partner.
If they try to invalidate your sexuality, cut off contact with them. Don’t waste your time on close-minded people.
12. Consider Long-Distance Relationship
Some asexuals prefer long-distance relationships since they have little to no interest in sexual relations. You should consider the possibility of dating someone you don’t have to meet often.
If you’re open to the idea of dating someone in another state or country, sign up now to any of our recommended long-distance dating sites.
Why a Long-Distance Relationship May Work
Less Pressure for Sexual Intimacy: Since you’re physically apart, there’ll be less pressure to be intimate with your partner.
Stronger Emotional Connection: Since there’s no pressure to be intimate, LDRs give space for deeper emotional connection through deep conversations and non-physical forms of intimacy.
More Personal Space: If you’re independent and value personal space, LDRs allow you to maintain that life without having to compromise a lot.
13. You’re Not Automatically Compatible With Other Asexuals
You need to understand that just because you’re asexual doesn’t mean you’re automatically compatible with other asexual singles. Not every asexual will meet your standards. In summary, you don’t have to date every asexual you come across.
14. Discuss With Your Partner About Sex
Before discussing sex with your partner, you need to know if you’re repulsed, neutral, or intrigued by the idea of sex. Then, you should let your potential partner know about your sexual preferences.
Discussing this topic early will prevent conflicts later in the relationship. It will also help you decide if you should move forward with the relationship.
15. Know Your STD Status
Before getting into a relationship with someone, you must know each other’s STD statuses. Get regular testing for HIV and STDs.
If you’re HIV+, there are dating sites created just for you. You’ll find other singles with similar conditions on these platforms.
16. Find Other Ways of Intimacy With Your Partner
Sex is not the only way you can feel closer to your partner. Here are some ways to keep the spark alive in your relationship:
- Try engaging in intimate couple games
- Watch movies together
- Cook a meal together
- Serve your partner breakfast in bed
- Write notes of gratitude as often as you can
- Compliment them regularly
- Send a romantic text
- Respect their boundaries
- Regularly remind your partner how much you love them
- Share your playlist with them
- Try out a new hobby together
- Go on vacations
17. Set Boundaries
Set boundaries with everyone you meet in person or online. Prioritize safe dating practices to protect yourself. Your boundaries are completely valid, and if you’re looking for specific safe dating tips for women, make sure to review these guidelines. Your boundaries are completely valid. If they don’t respect these boundaries, consider cutting them off immediately.
How to Set Boundaries as an Asexual
- Know Your Boundaries First: Understand what you’re comfortable with by asking yourself questions like:
- Am I open to a romantic relationship or not?
- What level of physical affection am I comfortable with?
- Am I comfortable with conversations such as sexual jokes?
- Do I want to avoid sexual activity completely or only a certain level?
- Use Assertive Language: Let people know your boundaries without being disrespectful. For example:
- “I’m not comfortable with that.”
- “I need you to stop doing that, or I’d have to step away.”
- Protect Your Peace: Not everyone will respect your boundaries. Some people will repeatedly cross your boundaries even after you’ve expressed your concerns to them. Walk away to protect your peace. Block or limit contact with them if you have to.
Conclusion
As an asexual, it is highly possible to find a meaningful and healthy relationship. While dating in a world that often places a high emphasis on sexual attraction can be challenging, asexual individuals can still experience deep emotional connections and build fulfilling relationships. Stay true to yourself, don’t settle for less and you’ll find someone who’s willing to meet you halfway.
