21 Biggest Red Flags in Women That All Men Should Look Out For

By Mariel Collado Updated on: July 19, 2024 Fact Checked by Kabelo Masalesa

Failing to recognize red flags in women can lead to a toxic relationship in the long run. Find out about the biggest red flags in women so that you can make the best decisions for yourself.

What are Red Flags in a Relationship?

Red flags are warning signs that show manipulative and toxic behaviors.

The color red generally signifies stop, either to avoid danger ahead or to indicate a foul. So, red flags in a relationship are simply telling you to halt the relationship to avoid potential emotional damage. 

It can take a while to notice red flags early in the relationship, but behaviors like laziness, a disorganized life, and stonewalling, are quite obvious. It’s also easier to identify potential problems if you know what to look for.

21 Biggest Red Flags in Women 

It is essential to recognize red flags in women to avoid immersing yourself in an emotionally damaging relationship.

Let’s take a closer look at the 21 biggest red flags in girls that all men should look out for.  

She Speaks Ill of Her Ex

The way someone talks about their ex-partners can reveal a lot about their emotional maturity and ability to move forward. While it’s healthy to acknowledge past challenges, excessive negative or resentful remarks may indicate unresolved emotional baggage. 

You should pay attention to this detail early in the relationship. Also, observe whether she takes responsibility for her role in past relationships or if she consistently blames other parties for the failures. 

Additionally, if she continuously compares you to her exes or seems unable to let go of past grievances, consider ending the relationship.

She Stays in Touch With Her Ex

Some partners may find it acceptable if a new girlfriend communicates with her ex once in a while, especially if they broke up amicably. 

But regular communication with an ex she broke up with less than six months ago is a big red flag! You can’t build a serious relationship with her if she has refused to let go of her past relationship.

She’s Rude to Everyone

How someone treats others, especially those in service positions or strangers, can be telling of their character. If she is consistently rude or disrespectful towards others, she could be egocentric or have a lack of empathy.

She’s Entitled

An entitled mindset can come off as a red flag in a relationship. A woman who is entitled demands special treatment, never compromises, does not show gratitude, expects you to do everything for her, and wants you to be available at all times. Entitled people never reciprocate any of the efforts you put into the friendship or relationship, so it won’t be healthy for you in the long run. 

She’s Gaslighting You

Gaslighting is one of the biggest red flags in a girl. It is a manipulative behavior in which they make you feel guilty for something they clearly did and even make you question your sanity. 

Some gaslighting phrases you’ll often hear are: 

• You’re overreacting 
• You’re too sensitive 
• You’re exaggerating
• You’re making things up
• I was joking
• That never happened 
• You made me do it
• Stop making it a big deal

She’s a Narcissist

Narcissism Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition and a personality disorder. It’s characterized by an excessive need for admiration and validation, self-obsession, and entitlement. 

This personality disorder is less common in women and is harder to detect. However, there are some obvious signs to know if you’re dating a narcissistic woman: 

• She never admits her faults 
• She’s obsessed with social status 
• A sensitivity for criticism 
• A constant need for reassurance or validation 
• She gives you the silent treatment 
• Often plays the victim card

She’s Being Secretive 

If she’s overly secretive about her family, past relationships, childhood, and even feelings, it might be a red flag. We advise you shouldn’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t want to be open with you.

She Hates Your Family

This is one of the biggest red flags in a girl that you should avoid at all costs. A girl who hates your family will constantly try to create arguments between you and loved ones or talk bad about them. This shows that she’s toxic, and insecure, and only wants you all to herself. 

She Lies a Lot 

Love is not always enough to keep a relationship afloat. Other factors, including trust, are very essential. 

Being in a relationship with a woman who regularly lies about almost everything can be exhausting. This is another big red flag in a woman that every man should completely avoid.

She’s Excessively Jealous

While a certain level of jealousy is natural in a relationship and can even be considered flattering, excessive jealousy can be a red flag. It indicates deep insecurities or trust issues. 

To identify if this is a problem, pay attention to how she reacts to your interactions with other people, particularly those of the opposite sex. 

She’s Too Clingy

Affection and closeness are essential in a healthy relationship. However, if someone is excessively clingy, it can quickly become suffocating. If she demands constant attention, becomes upset when you spend time apart or struggles with boundaries, it could be a red flag. 

She’s Irresponsible

One of the biggest red flags in a girl is a lack of acting responsibly. Taking responsibility is a sign of maturity in a person.

If your crush or partner is often reckless in decision-making or refuses to take responsibility for important issues, it’s best not to date her. Her decisions could start affecting you negatively, and she may not ever change. 

She Lacks Intentionality

It is best to avoid women who display a haphazard approach to life. Intentionality in a relationship is important, especially if you personally aim to take your relationship to the next level. Your partner must have the same mindset for you to have a healthy partnership

A woman who lacks intentionality does not have a plan for her life and even if she has a plan, she neglects it. She’s also more likely to have a very disorganized life.

Eventually, this can also disrupt the plan you have for your future. 

She’s Controlling

It’s one thing to want what’s best for your partner, but it’s not necessarily good to always want to have the final say in someone else’s life.

If she displays the following, you’re dating an overly controlling person, and it’s best to end the relationship:

• Controls your movement, decisions, what to wear, and whom to stay friends with 
• Becomes overly possessive
• Insists on knowing your whereabouts at all times
• Often checks your phone or social media accounts 
• Becomes upset when you spend time with friends or colleagues

She’s Indecisive

As humans, it’s natural to be confused about certain situations, thereby making us indecisive. For example, you’re trying to decide if you want vanilla or strawberry-flavored ice cream.

However, being indecisive on a much higher level should set off your alarm bells. Dating a woman who is unable to make important life decisions can be problematic. We suggest you look out for signs like: 

• She can’t commit to anything, especially if she can’t commit to the relationship
• She has no plans for the future
• Taking longer than most people when making general decisions, such as where to go on holiday
• Having anxiety after making a decision and often doubting the option she picked
• Over-analyzing almost any situation

She Has a Victim Mentality

A person who always feels like a victim thinks that life is tragically unfair. With every story she tells you, she will always portray herself as the victim. Here are a few practical examples: 

• Blames her ex for their breakup
• Complains about how life is unfair 
• Blames most problems on other people rather than taking responsibility 
• Generally has a negative view of life 

This mindset is toxic and will eventually start affecting your mental health.

She’s Excessively Dramatic

Creating excessive drama or chaos is a strategy most toxic women use to control the situation and become the center of attention. 

Unnecessary drama and chaotic behavior are some of the biggest red flags in a girl you shouldn’t overlook. It can be very exhausting and lead to unnecessary arguments. 

She Shows Violent Behaviors

Attempting to cause physical harm to you, or your property or belongings, in an argument is an inexcusable behavior. If she can’t communicate her feelings without resulting in name-calling, hitting you, or throwing things at you, rather avoid her.

She’s Lazy

A lazy woman is more likely to put little to no effort towards achieving anything in life, let alone building a successful relationship. This is one of the biggest red flags in a girl that men should look out for, especially when you’re looking for a serious relationship. 

These are common signs that will indicate a woman is lazy: 

• She’s always disorganized 
• Not willing to take action and improve personal growth 
• She appears to be unreliable
• Procrastinates a lot 
• Has no problem leaving a mess that others need to clean, such as after visiting friends at their home
• Living space is always excessively messy, with no attempt to perform even basic cleaning tasks

She’s Stonewalling 

Stonewalling, also known as silent treatment, means avoiding serious conversations or refusing to resolve a conflict. It is important to talk things out rather than to leave them as they are, or your relationship won’t flourish. 

She Abuses Alcohol or Other Substances 

Excessive drinking or drug use can significantly impact a relationship’s dynamics and stability. While occasional social drinking is normal, consistent or problematic substance abuse may lead to unpleasant behavior such as aggressiveness.

What Happens When You Ignore the Red Flags?

It’s easy to get caught up in your feelings and overlook unhealthy behaviors. Unfortunately, when you overlook the red flags in a girl, you’re leaving room for a toxic and abusive relationship. Unhealthy behaviors such as being overly controlling, codependency, gaslighting, and narcissism can put a strain on your mental health. 

Some signs that a relationship has affected your mental health are:

• You feel uneasy or moody around her
• You’re depressed 
• You disregard your needs to please her
• You’re always worried about upsetting her
• You’ve lost interest in the things you love to do because you’re always with her
• You’re unable to communicate your feelings 

If you notice a few red flags before you become an official couple, don’t try to fix her. It’s best to settle for friendship or end all communication.

Red flags are also present in friendships. If your friend has any unhealthy behavior, it’s important to address them and set boundaries. 

Experts’ Tips: What to Do Next

If you have noticed some unhealthy and manipulative behaviors, here’s what to do.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Pay attention to how you feel. Don’t shut down your emotions to please your partner.
2. Re-evaluate Yourself: Take some time to do some inner reflection to ensure you’re not exhibiting or enabling these unhealthy behaviors.
3. Communicate Openly: Tell your partner how their behaviors affect you. Make sure your words aren’t judgmental and your tone of voice isn’t accusatory.
4. Listen to Their Response: Pay attention to her body language and how she reacts to your concerns. If she is being defensive, hostile, and not willing to change, consider walking out of that relationship. 
5. Seek Support: You may want to help your partner, or you both realize you need help to build a better relationship. If both are willing to work on it, reach out to a therapist, a trusted friend, or family to advise you on how to handle the situation. 
6. Don’t Settle: With modern dating scenarios, such as chatting on social media or using a dating app, it can be difficult to identify red flags from the get-go. But once you do notice them, despite the effort you already put into getting to know someone, it’s best to end things. No matter how much you like her, your mental health should come first. 

Conclusion

You should never ignore the red flags in women, whether in a relationship or friendship. 

We advise that couples reassess their relationship dynamics to ensure that one person is not manipulating the other. 

If you notice a problem, communicate your feelings to your partner and get help if necessary. If the other party isn’t willing to change these behaviors, rather end the relationship. 

The thought of starting a new relationship can be daunting, yes. But resources like free dating sites make it easy in today’s world to meet new people. And, you can use the experience to make smarter decisions and have the right expectations when going on dates from now on.

Now, be honest with yourself and look out for these 21 biggest red flags in a girl, so you can protect your mental health!